What’s the difference between thick and fat? Who decides when the PH replaces the F? The Answer is: Who gives a fuck. There is a debate in America over the weight of a woman, and what’s attractive and what’s not. Black people in general have become the punch line when it comes to a little more cushion for the pushing. Kristie Alley famously proclaimed her love for Black men after she lost her Cheers figure. Lisa Lampanelli’s entire stand up is built around Black men wanting to do her. In the past ten years or so White women have used this notion of big is okay because the Blacks said so, not necessarily as a racist joke, but as empowerment to be comfortable in their skin. That's a good thing.
Black men do care about a girl’s size; we’re not breed to think bigger is better, but we do come from a culture where the big ass is worshipped. This whole notion of a phat ass with a skinny waist is not the norm, those are the exceptions. Food doesn’t go straight to the ass, and this entire Lola Luv, Nicki Minaj shit is brand new. When I was twelve and I saw a grown ass woman, she was a grown ass woman. I’m talking stacked, ass might be a bubble or it may be wide, wasn’t no Mel B abs going on, they ate chicken wings and French Fries and every nigga on the block was trying to fuck. When I did the blog on Is A Phat Ass Important, women were quick to point out they weren’t fat but phat. All that shit is subjective to a point. Niggas don't discriminate when the pussy's in their face. They show me pictures of the skinny girls in their phone, but they fuck and prefer bigger women. Don't front for me homie! My god brother would talk so much shit about big bitches; then he married a big girl, why? Because his ass fell in love with her. When you’re a man and you see a girl that’s pretty it doesn’t matter if she’s Hallie Berry’s weight or the old Jennifer Hudson’s weight. We live in a country where they put bacon on every damn thing, "Paris Hilton skinny" is the exception.
Fat jokes are funny. I don’t give a fuck what anyone says, making fun of Precious was the best thing to come out of that movie. I just thought of two new ones while writing this blog. Black jokes. Jewish jokes. Any joke that offends in a creative way is funny. Let’s not get sensitive over it. But joking and actually feeling that way are two different things. One of the negative stereotypes about big girls is that they do anything for a man because they’re loyal to a fault. I’ve met some plus size ladies who have been suckers. But it has nothing to do with their weight, it’s their self-esteem. They let a dude like Piimphand spit game in that ear and the next thing you know she’s paying his car note. I’ve seen it happen. But the same shit happens to skinny bitches too. It’s about the person not the size.
My Korean homie and I were at a bar and a Beyonce video came on. This nigga said—“Beyonce’s pretty, but she’s still fat!” You can’t get mad at that comment. He has the right to judge what’s fat to him. Beyonce’s curves weren’t what he was in to. I’m sure when they were doing Dreamgirls that subject came up with the producers and Beyonce happily got her Lemonade Diet on so she could do the movie. I saw Toccarra in the market and didn’t know who she was, my girl said, “there go your Top Model boo” and I was like “huh”. She was malnourished and lost what made her sexy to me, I honestly preferred the old Toccarra to the new one, but I guess LA didn’t feel the same way. When the god awful Love & Hip Hop came out, I remember this girl talking shit about Jim Jones’s girlfriend, “Why is he with that fat bitch?” I can say a lot of shit about Mole’arella, but I would never come at her weight or question why Jim Jones isn’t with a stick. It’s a fucked up mentality to demand that celebrities give in to a superficial notion of what’s attractive.
I put my homegirl on my good friend. She came to me after the date and said, “Your friend called me fat”. I thought she meant “phat”. This girl has an hour glass shape. Big ass, hips, D cups and no stomach. So I said he must have been joking. She maintained that he was dead serious. She was laughing while telling me this, but then the next day she tells me how she ran 5 miles. He got into her head with one off handed comment and made this girl, who looked like she was drawn by Todd McFarlane, go overboard in the gym. I didn’t get to talk to him about any of this until three weeks ago. He told me, “I never said she was fat. I said bigger women like her are usually attracted to me”. I died laughing because he honestly didn’t think that was offensive. He was like, “You saw my exes, you know how they looked, I tend to want a girl as skinny as a rail.” He maintained that he was making an observation not disrespecting her. But even after saying all that he hit her up that night trying to get her to come over. It’s nothing wrong with liking what you like and having a type. But don’t throw shade on women who don’t fit that description, then turn around and break your neck trying to get at them.
A guy in the club who dances with the biggest girl on the floor will say that he’s just trying to hit because she’s easier-- bullshit. That’s pure ignorance. Dudes make up so many excuses when it comes to dealing with thicker women as if they’re apologizing for the shit. At the end of the day, you’re attracted to something about her, your brain has to signal your dick in order for it to get hard. My cousin Keith, known throughout the streets as simply “The Boy” made fun of me because I took him to this club and it was all of these big girls there. I’m not familiar with Baltimore clubs, I live thousands of miles away, you wanted to go out, we went out. Sorry if I forgot to Google the average weight allowed into the venue. This nigga calls me when I’m back home and tells me, “Yo that’s like the best club in the city, you need to come home so we can go again” he was being closed minded, until some chubby chick threw it back on him, now he has a hard on.
No matter your weight, body type, or any of the superficial shit that society tends to dwell on. When it comes to plus size women we need to stop dwelling on the bullshit and create positive stereotypes. When you see someone that's thick, no matter if she's tall like Somaya Reece, or short like Snookie and Niecy Nash why go to a negative place? 9 out of 10 men would fuck despite what it says when any of them step on a scale.
Dress Her Big Ass Off: Even big girls know what big girls aren’t supposed to wear. The comment “You know you too big for that outfit” is universal. But most girls with a little more meat take pride in their wardrobe. They know how to dress their ass off, and rarely will you see shorty with a fucked up heel game. Miss Thick knows all eyes are going to be on her, but instead of being depressed and staying home, she’s out in the club working that bitch like it’s a runway, daring anyone to tell her she doesn’t look good.
Nasty Good Not Nasty Bad: Miss Thick is aggressive. She has real woman thighs and knows what she wants between them. The big girl blow job is legendary for it's awesomeness. College was the first time I experienced it. Me and my boy Cello would have long ass discussion on the subject of why they did it so well. I can’t explain it and I don’t care. If a few extra LBs gives a chick sexual confidence than they should hand out ham sandwiches in sex ed.
She Don’t Give A Fuck: Calling Miss Thick fat isn’t going to make her cry, but telling a skinny girl she’s putting on weight, that’s liable to destroy her mentally. Miss Thick isn’t in denial, she knows how much she weighs, and if you think she’s fat and not thick— she’ll shrug and tell you you’re blind. Her confidence level absorbs all of those mean comments, and she can easily hit anybody with the classic, “But your man likes it”. And it’s probably true. Being smaller than someone doesn’t mean you’re better. Go ahead, sit there and talk about how much you love Jim Jones and how he would wife you up if he saw your sculpted body. He’ll probably fuck you; tell you it was fun, then go right back to his real bitch. That man is not judging a swimsuit competition, he’s building a family, character is more important than jean size.
This is the real world, not MTV’s version where the cast has to fit a mold, the actual one where people are built all kinds of ways. You can’t make everyone happy. There will always be someone calling Beyonce fat and saying Christina Hendricks from Mad Men is okay for a plus size woman. No girl should get depressed and say “he thinks I’m fat”. Fuck that nigga. It’s about what you think of yourself not what we think of you. If you’re not happy go to the damn gym. If you’re content with being big and sexy then fuck it, order a cheeseburger with bacon and pour some ketchup out for Karen Carpenter.